Abundance sober better life 2024.
Since 1969 Till 2024.
Abundance. Loosing success. Starting again.
Sober, Relapses, Sober Again, Relapse Again.
Better Life 2024.
Edit 001, January 2024.
Welcome. This blog is my experiences since I was born till now. My story contains experiences of abundance, sober stories, relapse stories, more abundance while drunk, getting sober again after 15 years relapse, which one is better, not just my drunk stories, childhood growing up, fear, joy, happiness, success, failures, sober again, a better life, a son, a husband, a father, a boss, a shit kicker, big dreams, dreams come true, broken dreams, I’m not perfect, I made mistakes, learning to change, many more experiences. I hope I can help someone or help many, with my real stories.
DISCLAIMER. I AM NOBODY FAMOUS BUT I THINK I CAN BE HELPFUL TO MANY. THIS IS ALL FREE FOR YOU. DO YOU NEED A HELPING HAND ? MANY PEOPLE HELPED ME. BEST WISHES.
I like to live my life in nowadays but I should tell you were I come from for you to understand me better. I am writing this blog as a nonprofessional, for free. I welcome you and I hope I can be helpful.
I hope that you can come from that old place to a new happier place. Better life. Happy new days.
This is not information to damage anyone’s good names but this is small portions of what I remember.
First childhood memories as a kid were not peaceful. I can remember fear and terror and violence at home and at school, that is what I seen and felt. I am a single child no brothers or sisters. Mum and Dad divorced when I was 4 years old. Life was fearful and confusing. I was in trouble at school since first class, within the first days or weeks. I was involved in school yard fight usually defending myself. being bullied. I was not a bully but I was good at self-defence. school was hard to fit into, part being I moved around; I think I went to 7 different schools. I was not a good student I did not follow in class and I had pretty terrible grades. My best skill I learned was self-defence. I was not respectful to teachers and I waited every day for the end bell to ring so I could go home. Many times the bullies were waiting, or planning an after-school attack on me. I usually escaped and arrived home in one piece. at the end of high school I dropped out I failed with no high school report. I wish I paid more attention during school years. My school days were spent day dreaming and holding my tear.
First job when I dropped out of school. I was 16 years old and dropped out of high school with no graduating certificates. Just a mind full of crap which I learnt out of school. My job was with a meat company, packing meat and delivering meat to a chain of shops every day. The pay was great but I started work at 5am or 6am. I lived with my Dad Monday till Friday then returned home to Mum on Friday till Sunday. Good money but I was unhappy. The money was not worth my lifestyle but I had some fun at nights. I stopped working after 9 months and I had saved some money and bough my first car. I went on a summer break holiday which lasted more than a year. I didn’t know what to do.
Uncertified to learning a skill. I had many, many, no skill needed jobs. I think about 35 short jobs, they were mostly boring and mostly low pay. I thought there must be a better way to earn more money. My mum gave me a job when I was 19 years old. I liked the job and learning but that time I was becoming more alcoholic. ( 19 years old ).
Leaving a great future to become a dropout. I was 19 years old, broken / unmarried, one son two years old, and I was very alcoholic, which I knew nothing about. on the highway of life which lead me and mum and MY son to new levels of confusion.
By the time I was 22 years old. I was looking at a very long jail sentence up to 25 years locked up.
Lucky I found recovery and the twelve step programmes but after 6 or 7 years and life was so amazing I left to party in another country. That drinking lasted for 3 years. 1997 till 2001 we lost everything. It started good but ended in disaster.
I got sober in 2001 in another country. I was blessed with a new sober life and was the best sober time. many good things happened in my life but I still had a character, alcoholism, mental distortion, recovering from learning wrong things, recovering from me, there is a long list, which I did not understand. this time the best sober time ever, but I drank alcohol again. sober 2001 till 2007. I was drunk in 2007.
I left the 12 step programmes to follow abundance. I found the secret or the secret found me. the secret book by Rhonda Byrne’s. changed my life. I could drink and use magic mushrooms (legal that time ) and I could study and focus and self-help, without those people from the 12 step groups.
My life changed again when I drink alcohol and use magic mushrooms. My life went so far up then so far down. the first years was fun then my life went down. I partied in an Asian country for 15 years. MANY fun moments and MANY terrible moments. A 15-year story which I will share another time. I lost everything again. My positive blessed life ran dry. BUT I WAS ALWAYS AND AM ALWAYS BLESSED.
THEN COME covid time, 2020 till 2022.
I worked intensely on myself during 2022 and 2023. My life changed again. I am always changing.
MANY WINS MANY LOSES.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2024. TO BE CONTINUED. EARLY DAYS, 54 YEARS OLD.
NEXT, some old drunk stories, some miracle sober stories, a new way of thinking, happy days, new ideas that changed my life, learning abundance, learning a new life, fail and try again, I changed, life gets better, better life, better thinking, more better life changes.
ABUNDANCE SOBER BETTER LIFE. AMEN. PEACE.
Edit 002 March 2024
Life sucked so much,
I had to change, this is why.
Life was not what I thought as to be a normal childhood.
Life was, age 4 years, terror, confused, not normal, like a bed of nails. I felt sick from worry, I wanted to cry but I was too scared to show my fears. I felt like a rag doll being pulled in a tug of war and an EM recycled space shuttle not knowing if it would launch or explode. Childhood was confusing to say the least.
Age 6 year to 16 years then I escaped school. High school dropout, year nine. Too afraid to fail my yearly exams so I just didn't go to school that week. I think I went to the beach. Then I was lucky my parent thought better I go to work. Better than skipping school wasting time
In between age 12 to 13 to 15 years old, I started to drink alcohol and tried a few puffs of weed. I thought normal because other kids suggested this to me. So i tried drinking and puffing and I vomited, head spins, had fights, fell asleep in gardens, lucky if on a friends house floor, in a rubbish bag one time. In a park, in a parked car, in a borrower car. I slept many times after drinking not much age 13 to 16. Always a messy stupid result but next week I would try again.
As a kids I was a danger chaser. Surf in storms. Bmx racing big jumps. Skate boarding not really good but taking risks. Then shop lifting. Stealing. Groups fighting. Just looking for frills, twisted stupid destruction, we called playing with friends. Totally naughty and ignorant kids.
So i dropped out of school and worked nine or ten months and saved money to buy a car. 16yrs old, a car, no drivers license, a few dollars in my bank. It was time for summer holidays. When my friends started work and starting to learn trades, I was beach holidaying. 3 months went to 6 months, then went to two or three years. Lots of drinking and puffing that time
After a long summer party for three years and many short time jobs, factories or building sites even rubbish removals , all human robot no skill jobs , after wasting three years MUM TO THE RESCUE. MUM helped me get a few jobs which I did not work well. I was so lazy.
I was lazy and not respectful, not for anything. Not to my parents
Not to bosses who trusted me. Not to teachers. Not really to anybody that could have helped me to a better life. I was just a silent trouble maker. No one could believe little me could be so bad. BUT. I was not bad I was just confused and all the years as a kid I did not know why.
Lost. Sad. Afraid. Trying to be strong but really just hid in my mind mostly in silence or drawing. Be naughty or bad was an emotional power lift. When I got away with the wrong doing I felt like a winner. Now it seems crazy.
IT GOT WORSE, BEFORE IT GOT BETTER
So I was about 19years old now. So many problems from my drinking and puffing. Fighting strangers, fighting friends, fighting in my mind and words, fighting with fists. Fighting from first class kindergarten school till I left school. Oh also fighting at school sports also fighting at weekend sports, soccer and rugby league juniors. Then I started surfing and i got into fights at the beach day or night. I am not proud of my fighting, I am not a tough man, I was just mentally and emotionally very disturbed. I was impersonating a tough father or tough uncles or tough men. Really I was a scared boy age 4 till age 19 year. I did not know who I was.
I also took on characters like Bruce Lee, Chucky Norris, also Hero's from movies and TV, even Star Wars, anybody in control. I was not in control. I was bless by angels that I survived all my dangerous actions. I was not tough I just imagined I was a super hero, who could fight the world and win.
Age 19 to 22, very drunk and daily puffing. I call it puffing but really i was choking myself. Green weed made me like a zombie. An overweight zombie living a not normal life. I thought puffing weed was cool and made me peaceful, but it made me slow and unmotivated. It did not cure my deep emotional problems. It made me more wrong. I was addicted.
So 3 years heavy puffing, addicted, a mental mess, a fat young man, too many munchies, maybe started my sugar problems. All come crashing down. I was arrested for the last times. Serious drug charges that could have ended my life or sentenced to a long time behind bars. I was in a big mess.
But that probably saved my life.
A court case for one year. Little time in jail waiting bail. I started recovery. I started a sober life. It was life or death time. I had to choose, die an addict alcoholic, or live a sober life which I knew nothing about ? I really thought it was a hard choice. Life or death?
I was full of fear. I did not have any faith. I thought my life was over and I would be killed. I was paranoid with real fears. I was in a super size mess.
FIRST TIME SOBER.
AA. NA. Meetings. D&A COUNSELOR. PSYCHIATRIST. REPORTING TO POLICE STATION 3 TIMES A WEEK. URINE TESTS WEEKLY.
That was my first year of living sober. My head was spinning. I still half thought I was smart to be on bail. My other half I carry a briefcase with leather shoes and a tracksuit. And sleep on the staircase at night. Paranoid but real. Also depressed to leave my girlfriend and old friends. And no more clubbing. No more fun I thought. It was never fun anyway...
That was my first year sober. 1992. I had nightmares for a long time. First 2 years, then till 5 years, I lived in fear, paranoid, I felt hopeless, I had not much money, I had no drivers license, I lost girlfriend and school mates, I moved 3 or 4 times. I start a new life. All new everything...
Thanks GOD thanks MUM thanks DAD thanks people in meetings thanks to professionals who helped me, I WAS A NUT CASE. Thanks to the police and judge for giving me a chance.
To be continued...
